I remember many years ago when the term “co-dependent” was a very popular buzz word in our society. There were scores of books written about the subject, and many hours spent with our therapists and psychiatrists trying to rid ourselves of this unhealthy behavior. My name isn’t Webster, but my take on co-dependence was to sacrifice of one’s own emotional well-being for another. In other words, to not have any boundaries or “fences” that enabled you to say “This is not okay, therefore, you cannot go there”.
Technology has given fodder in recent years to our boundaries being shaky or non-existent. We tweet and text, post and publish in a manner that’s often disconcerting. With the push of a single button, we can broadcast anything we want to instantaneously. Pretty cool huh? Hhmmm……really? I am often reminded that anything with this much power can be used in a very positive way, or a very destructive way. Historically, this is true as well. Leaders, icons, military, television, all of these “things” have proven to be a double edged sword of power.
Setting solid boundaries for yourself not only tends to shield you from many of life’s unpleasant surprises, it also helps draw the line at what you take on from an emotional and literal standpoint. It encompasses everything from what is broadcast from your mouth & fingers to your professional price tag, how tight you pack your schedule to how low you let your gas tank get.
The very best thing about knowing where your boundaries are is that it’s empowering to be able to communicate them clearly, and in general, you always know where you are. It's about protecting yourself and your relationships both personal and professional.
Here’s a symptom check to see if you need to check your fences:
• Constant lack of time
• Feeling like a doormat for the world
• Magnet for drama
• Communication frustrations
• Susceptible to feeling underpaid, overwhelmed and unappreciated
• Regular agitation with friends or family
There are more symptoms, but these are good places to start to see if you need to get out your hammer and nails or wire cutters and post-hole diggers.
If you’re searching for balance, setting boundaries is a good place to get a foothold on the scale. Remember, people without any boundaries or rubbery ones are likely not going to respect the boundaries of others. And, your boundaries will get bumped into! You're not likely to wear a sign or wrap yourself in barbed wire to advertise "Here's my boundary!!", so you'll have to practice communicating, gently for first time offenders. :)
Technology has given fodder in recent years to our boundaries being shaky or non-existent. We tweet and text, post and publish in a manner that’s often disconcerting. With the push of a single button, we can broadcast anything we want to instantaneously. Pretty cool huh? Hhmmm……really? I am often reminded that anything with this much power can be used in a very positive way, or a very destructive way. Historically, this is true as well. Leaders, icons, military, television, all of these “things” have proven to be a double edged sword of power.
Setting solid boundaries for yourself not only tends to shield you from many of life’s unpleasant surprises, it also helps draw the line at what you take on from an emotional and literal standpoint. It encompasses everything from what is broadcast from your mouth & fingers to your professional price tag, how tight you pack your schedule to how low you let your gas tank get.The very best thing about knowing where your boundaries are is that it’s empowering to be able to communicate them clearly, and in general, you always know where you are. It's about protecting yourself and your relationships both personal and professional.
Here’s a symptom check to see if you need to check your fences:
• Constant lack of time
• Feeling like a doormat for the world
• Magnet for drama
• Communication frustrations
• Susceptible to feeling underpaid, overwhelmed and unappreciated
• Regular agitation with friends or family
There are more symptoms, but these are good places to start to see if you need to get out your hammer and nails or wire cutters and post-hole diggers.
If you’re searching for balance, setting boundaries is a good place to get a foothold on the scale. Remember, people without any boundaries or rubbery ones are likely not going to respect the boundaries of others. And, your boundaries will get bumped into! You're not likely to wear a sign or wrap yourself in barbed wire to advertise "Here's my boundary!!", so you'll have to practice communicating, gently for first time offenders. :)
